A couple of months ago, I was shoveling through titles such as Vanquish and Way of the Samurai 3 for fun and fantasy. In my flip-flopping between my newest games while juggling some multi-player on Mortal Kombat and Black-Ops, I decided to take a well deserved break from gaming and focus on Netflix and other slacker habits that thrill me so. As with any high functioning autistic daze that we all likely go into, I had trouble focusing on just one thing and decided to try to spread my attention more thinly on my POS 3 year old Dell Inspiron 1525(one of the few computers they likely deny the existence of).
I was browsing through the greasy fat folds of /v/ when I came across a thread that caught my attention:
Someone built the U.S.S. Enterprise on Minecraft. After a little more research and brain hemorrhaging, I found that this took months of work and plenty of client mods to do. So I figured I would give this game another shot. When I say give it another shot, I mean that I’ve downloaded it before and my computer refused to run it. This could have been due to an illegal client, but I think the internet forgives me. So I finally shelled out the twenty bucks for the legal version of this game that I’ve been hearing about for over a year. Fair warning to those reading this: Minecraft is still in beta testing, meaning anything that I mention is subject to change over time should you decide to get this game.
I began my journey and HOLY CRAP EVERYTHING IS SQUARE. And by square I mean cubed. Believe it or not, this is a pig:
Ok, so that makes sense. Things in the Minecraft world are square to make sure everything fits together. Not too much of a mind blowing concept. I killed that pig. I killed his entire family. Later I found out you could strap a saddle to these wonderful creatures and ride around like a cowboy. I gathered my uncooked pork-chops and began adventuring. I adventured for about fifteen minutes before I got completely bored and wanted to make some tools. I had no idea how to make tools.
After about two hours of research, I finally found out how to actually play this game.
Step 1: Punch down a tree
Ok, so what do I do now that my hands are bleeding?
Step 2: Convert wood into planks
I think I used magical hand alchemy or something for that.
Step 3: Make a crafting table
Sweet. Don’t know where all those tools came from, or how it’s holding together, but we now have a table that gives us a much bigger surface to work with.
Step 4: Make tools
Yup. I stacked two block size planks to make sticks, then I used those sticks and other various materials to make tools.
This is where most people get hooked. You have to make everything you want to use in this game. This independence, NAY, ingenuity gives players a sort of god complex that is only satiable by playing a *cough*Lego*cough* based video game that doesn’t have ties to any major franchises(Harry Potter, Pirates of the Caribbean, Star Wars, etc). The short of it is that pickaxes are used to mine stone, axes are used to chop trees down, hoes are used for sexing your dirt for farming, shovels for digging dirt and sand, and swords….wait, swords?
Minecraft actually focuses pretty heavily on combat. By this time, you’re probably asking yourself “What’s the point of this graphically deficient and simplistic game that uses all of your computer’s resources, Stevo?” Well, if you want to play it like it was meant to be played, you need to build shelter before night when all the creatures come out to play. What creatures in Minecraft could be so bad that you would need shelter and swords for?
If you need more info than that awesome picture gives, skeletons shoot you to death before you can get near them and make bone rattling sounds. Zombies are actually pretty pathetic and make typical zombie groans. Creepers are horrible creatures that blow up all your hard work, hissing as the fuse inside them nears the TNT core but silent otherwise. Slime are rare and troublesome if you aren’t well armed. And spiders. I wish I didn’t have to write about these annoying little creatures, but anyone who plays this game can tell you that they are easily the most annoying mob. The picture lies by saying they aren’t aggressive in the daytime. They show up everywhere, as they only require 1 empty block to spawn(I should probably mention that evil mobs only appear when there is little to no light in an area, meaning if you want to survive you have to plaster torches all over the map). They hiss nonstop. They attack in large numbers. They hang outside your house all day until you go out and kill them.
So you could see where this game is challenging, yet appealing. This is what the average house looks like after a couple weeks of building onto it when you get bored with your old one.
When all the thrills of dungeon diving, house building, farming, mining, taking portals to hell…
…is all over and done with, you will find yourself extremely bored or extremely addicted to building. I was the latter. As you get more into the game, you discover a few more intricate methods of play involving minecarts, railing, levers, and redstone circuitry that you run through blocks to power objects.
I actually have a few friends who also play Minecraft, so we figured we would give this ‘buggy’ multi-player mining a try. We found a pretty pimping server called frozen-craft.net and began our journey into public mining. Of course, it can get extremely crowded and difficult to find places to mine/build, but the experience of showing off your awesome structures never gets old. Being the badass mofo that I am, I rose through the ranks to moderator within just a couple of weeks. Though I frequently have to deal with over the top noobish situations, I really have enjoyed the community and the perks that come with being a mod(teleportation, item spawning, etc).
Honestly, I believe it was well worth my initial $20 investment and would recommend this game to anyone with a love for Legos, building, adventure, and just plain goofing off. Apparently the next update will include quests, new monsters, and NPC towns. One can only hope…
Block Rating: 8/10
Questions? Comments? Review/Article suggestions? Email Stevo at firstname.lastname@example.org
video by rubber ninja